As much as parents want their children to be abstinent, things go sideways at times, especially if parents don’t follow their hunch or look the other way. If you’ve recently discovered your teenager or adolescent child is taking drugs, the first thing to do is take a step back, calm down, and take a deep breath.
Lashing out immediately without preparing for the important conversation would only take you further from the child. Prepare ahead for the important conversation for a positive outcome.
First Things First – Don’t Take It Personally.
It’s natural to feel overwhelmed with emotions of anger, betrayal, guilt, and hurt when you first discover your child is taking drugs. However, letting your emotions take control of your actions will neither help the situation nor enable you to help your child.
Lying is a pretty common trait among teenagers. However, parents need to make their children understand that lying is unacceptable behavior. Sit down with your child and have a conversation revolving around –
- Explore the reasons why your child resorted to lying.
- Be clear in sending the message that lying is not acceptable.
- Get more details about what’s going on.
- Ask your child to be honest and forthcoming in the future.
Ask & Listen, But Don’t Lecture.
Parents are often impatient in imparting as much wisdom as possible to their children, believing it would make them wiser and help them make the right choices in life. And while there’s nothing wrong with it, one should not go overboard with it.
The focus should be on drawing out their instinctive curiosity and encouraging them to seek answers themselves. For example, instead of starting the conversation with – “Cocaine is bad for health,” consider starting the conversation by asking, “Tell me, what do you know about cocaine?
When your teen feels their answer is valued, it may help start a more productive dialogue. You don’t have to agree with your child’s answers, but it’s important to be non-judgmental and answer with reflective statements.
The point here is to be a good listener and, in the process of doing so, educate your child about its harm without being direct or forceful. For example – “Do you think smoking marijuana is not harmful because it is natural. Do you think that’s correct?
Seek Help
Many parents keep their teenage child’s drug abuse problem a secret and limited within the immediate family. This tendency of many parents restricts their kids from getting professional help or treatment until the problem worsens, sometimes even beyond repair.
Treating drug abuse and addiction needs professional expertise. Consult with your family doctor or discuss the issue with the counselor at your child’s school. It would help you find recommendations for a specialist, treatment center, or even a rehab to help you and your child.
Set a Realistic Goal
Don’t expect the first conversation with your child to end all the troubles miraculously. Setting the desired outcome in advance is essential for the conversation to move slowly yet productively.
For starters, keep your expectations low. Don’t expect that your child will promise to stop or even admit to using drugs five minutes into the conversation. Take baby steps towards the end goal, which is getting your kid out of the vicious habit of drug abuse.
The more reasonable approach would be to clarify that drug abuse is unacceptable and that you don’t want them to engage in such activities.
The point is not to be forceful in your urge to get immediate results. Focus on being understanding, caring, and trying to win your child’s trust. It is how you’ll be able to pull your child out of the drug abuse trap.
Establish Rules & Consequences
Before you go ahead and have that conversation with your child about their drug abuse problem, it’s important to decide on the rules and the consequences of not following those rules.
It will provide your conversation with a purpose to fulfill, clarifying the idea of what your next steps should be.
- Think through the rules and consequences you want to set.
- Get your co-parent on board to support you enforce these rules.
- Listen closely to what your child says about the rules and consequences. Create the rules and set consequences by taking your kids’ input. They are likely to be more emotionally invested and obey the rules and consequences built around their feedback.
- Don’t set impractical rules or consequences you’re unlikely to enforce.
Conclusion
Getting rid of drug addiction is not easy, and if you’ve caught your kid when they are way too deep into addiction, it is important to understand their situation. It is natural to get angry, frustrated, and agitated by the whole situation, but what’s more important is getting into your child’s psyche.
Listen to your child and their reason for starting to do drugs, explore help options, and look for ways you can help them get away from using drugs.
It can be frustrating and time-consuming, but it’s more important to make your child feel you’re on their side than acting as a lecturer whose only job is to shout, scream and order.
Win your child’s trust, educate your child about the harmful effects of drug abuse, and last but not least, don’t give up on your child, no matter how challenging it may get. Parents’ unconditional love and commitment can make even the impossible possible when their children’s lives are at stake. Isn’t it?